


Lucky

by H4T08



Series: Behind the Door [12]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 02:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12447819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H4T08/pseuds/H4T08
Summary: Snuggling his nose along the crook of her neck as he feels sleep take over his mind, he breathlessly murmurs along her skin, “I’m lucky to have you,” before succumbing to his dreams.





	Lucky

**Author's Note:**

> Post ‘Maneuvers’. 
> 
> I’m sorry for the long delay. 
> 
> Italics implies character’s thoughts.

As the turbolift doors open, Chakotay pushes himself off of the wall and shuffles down to his quarters. _It has been one hell of a day_.

  
Silently cursing under his breath, his damning thought is punctuated by the sting of overworked muscles and the piercing pain in his temple. Dragging his feet up to his door, he punches in the code and trudges in straight towards his bedroom.

  
Massaging the back of his neck with the tips of his fingers, his memory guides him to his dresser when his eyes close against the excruciating pressure the days stress had placed on him. Kicking off his boots, he digs through his drawer to find the night clothes that reminded him mostly of home. Bunching the soft material in his hands, he pulls out the rusty red clothing and sets it on his bed.

  
Staring at it as his only light source streaks past his window, the color of his night clothes brings him back to the time he and his father visited his cousins in a state formally known as Arizona. When the sun would set, the brilliant lights would reflect off of the canyons surrounding her home basking them in the warming hues of red, oranges and yellows.

  
“Hmm…”

  
A sound, foreign and unwelcomed in his private quarters, travels to his ears, his eyes widen and his body stiffens in alert. Turning towards the the soft sigh, he creeps along the wall and peeks around the corner into his living area. Allowing the adrenaline to rush out his body at the sight that meets him, he silently blames his carelessness from his lack of focus.

  
Padding his way to the sleeping form on his couch, he bends down and gently takes the PADD from her lax fingers. Curious as to why she would even be in his quarters to begin with, he gently shakes her shoulder. As she starts to climb out of her slumber, he murmurs her name to quicken her arrival back into reality.

  
Sleepily moaning, she squeezes her eyes before opening them to the dark figure in front of her. Knowing that it was him and not a stranger, B’Elanna gives him a kind smile and bolts to sit up against the couch. “How are you doing?”

  
Pushing himself up off of his knees, he twists his hips and sit down next to her. “What are you doing here?” Locking his fingers together, he stares at the door in front of him cruelly thinking – _wishing_ – it had been another woman, _a certain captain perhaps_ , to greet him in his quarters.

  
Gripping his jaw, he all but yells at himself that he fucked up whatever they had been blossoming between them. _But if given the choice, I would do everything again, in a heartbeat_.

  
“Earth to Chakotay…” waving her hand in front of his face, she sees the dangerous flint of anger with a side dish of guilt cross his tired features. “Was she hard on you?”

  
Having to actually comprehend her question, he confusingly asks, “Who?”

  
Sighing in frustration, she throws her hands in the air, “Quit with the twenty questions, Chakotay! Was the Captain hard on you?” At his long silence, she impatiently adds, “She was about to leave your ass on that Kazon ship. She blamed it on her better judgment, but I convinced her that her gut, which was telling her to go after you, was the right thing to do.”

  
Letting out a mirthful laugh, he shakes his head and quietly asks, “And how did you do that?” Rolling his eyes, he couldn't imagine the great and all knowing captain to acquiesce to going out and rescuing him, especially when he had all but pleaded in his message for her to abstain.

  
She gives him a sly grin, “I told her that your loss would be detrimental to the crew’s morale.” Sitting up straight, she adds, “Which is the honest truth.”

  
“I received a letter in my file,” he pales.

  
Jaw dropping open, B’Elanna can't help but ask, “That's it?”

  
Staring down at his hands in his lap, he whispers, “I lost a part of her trust.” _I_ _promised to help ease her burden, and yet, I caused her great stress by my selfish lack of coherent thought_.

  
Jealousy gripping her insides, she quells them as she reminds herself that they are just friends and nothing more. _Besides judging by the look on his face, he sees himself with a certain someone else, not me_. Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, she softly explains, “She means a lot to you.”

  
Not wanting to break another promise of showing the crew the truth of their personal relationship, he screws up his face into a look of impersonal difference and says, “I've disappointed her. Other than herself, I am the only other command staff within 70,000 light years. There is a certain trust that we must both keep with each other and I broke it.”

  
Swinging her hand out, B’Elanna hotly interrupts, “But you did it for the goodness of this cred, of this ship!”

  
Holding up his own hand to quiet her anger towards their superior officer, he explains, “You might think so, but the fact remains that I didn't consult her, I didn't trust her enough to tell her of my plans. How many times have you come to me when someone on your engineering team did something that you didn't approve of?”

  
Opening her mouth to tell him that it didn't matter, the thought of her going to him almost daily to complain about one of her crew members slips through her mind. Signing in defeat, she confesses, “Too many times to count.”

  
“Now imagine if one of them was your closest advisors, one that you implicitly trusted with your life.”

  
Closing her eyes, she murmurs between her gritted teeth, “Okay, I get it.”

  
Silence surrounds them as both respectively think about the woman in command of the vessel they are currently sitting on.  
“I'm sorry about what Seska did to you.”

  
Her words stings him in a way he never thought possible. _How am I to be responsible for a child that I did not help to create?_ He decides to take the easy route out of this headache of a conversation, “Talk about detrimental to crew’s morale…”

  
Forcing a smile, she knows he doesn't want to talk about it, so she lets it slide. Feeling that she has over welcomed her stay, regardless of sneaking in here in the first place, she affectionately slaps his knee and stands. “I should get going.”

  
When he stands along with her, her true feelings slips through her lips, “The Captain is lucky to have you, Chakotay.” Promising herself to stay out of his personal business, she can't help but feel a little depressed that the relationship she thought she could have with him melt away as she sees him secretively smiling at her last comment. _He was never mine to begin with._

  
Getting lost in memories of their electric touches and flirty quips and sinful kisses, he murmurs under his breath, “It is I who is lucky.”

  
_Just make sure she isn't a Cardassians…_ Her snide thought thankfully never leaves her mouth as she notices that whatever is forming between the Starfleet captain and the former Maquis captain is something that no one knows about, she rolls her eyes and turns towards the door. “I'll see you later.” Just before she gets to the door, she glances over her shoulder and quietly asks, “Are you sure you're okay?”

  
Letting his smile stretch along his cheeks, his unused muscles strain as his dimples give in. “I'm not one hundred percent, but I'm getting there.” As she presses the door latch, he says, “Thank you for…”

  
There, before them with her hand raised to sound the chime, is the main source of their conversation.

  
For her part, she wasn't expecting anyone else to be on the other side of the door when they opened on their own accord. However, being the professional that she wants everyone to see, she grits her teeth and hardens her stare just before B’Elanna can turn to see who has captured his attention. “I'm sorry. I can come back at a different time.”

  
Knowing the cold look of jealousy as if she were standing in front of a mirror – _especially over the same man_ – B’Elanna shakes her head and calls out before the Captain can turn away, “I was just leaving.” Stepping around the other woman, B’Elanna treats her to a rare smile and then makes her way down the corridor to her own quarters.

  
Sensing a change in the other woman, Kathryn takes a moment to try and figure out what it is. _Physically, she's the same, but something in her eyes has changed_. Shaking her head, she looks to her commander to see that he is still staring at her, at a loss of words. Peeking down both sides of the corridor, she quietly quips, “I thought I would never see it.”

  
Confused, he asks with a burrowed brow, “See what?”

  
Trying to hold back her smile, she sternly says, “You at a loss for words.” Finally surrendering herself, she lets out a small laugh at his raised eyebrows. Relaxing her shoulders from the burden of command, she softly asks him with a tone more serious than the last, “How are you holding up?”

  
Stepping to the side to invite her in, he doesn't want to discuss his personal life – or at least his personal thoughts about his personal life – in front of others who may pass by. After she has taken his lead and the door to the outside world has closed, he truthfully answers, “I've had better days.”

  
Nodding her head, she murmurs, “I thought so.” Turning towards his replicator, she types in her control codes and then commands, “Two bowls of vegetable soup and a loaf of French bread.” When the items she asked for appears, she takes the bowls and sets them on the tables.

  
Pointing down at the chair with the tip of her finger, she commands, “Sit down.” When he hesitates, she tips her head to the side, never losing her piercing focus on him. “Sit down, Commander. You will eat.”

  
Crossing his arms along his chest, anger flashes through his eyes as yet another woman in his life is calling the shots for him. “Why do you even care? Last I heard, you were ready to create as much space dust between Voyager and the Kazon ship.”

  
The bitter coldness in his voice slaps her across her face, leaving her cheek tender. _I was cold and clinical in my earlier assessment, everything a Starfleet Captain should be under such circumstances. However, after B’Elanna left my Ready Room, the sinking feeling of never seeing him again hit me as hard as two planets colliding into each other_.

  
Not willing to share that bit of information just yet, she merely shrugs her shoulders and sit down in her chair. Lifting the spoon and capturing some of the hearty vegetables on it, she murmurs, “You would be doing the same thing if the roles were reversed,” before swallowing the warm liquid.

  
Settling in his chair after she takes another three bitefuls, he picks up his spoon and silently joins her. At first, stubbornly refusing the enjoyment of eating one of his favorite meals, his aching muscles begins to relax as his mood begins to brighten, just slightly.

  
As his spoon scrapes the bottom of his bowl, he is surprised at how fast he ate his meal. Glancing up through his lids after taking one last bite of carrots and celery, he notices that she is leaning back in her chair with a smug grin playing across her lips.

  
Rolling his eyes, he throws the spoon into his empty bowl and settles back against his own chair. Out of all the flirty and mean things that goes through his head to say to her, he swallows his pride and mutters, “Thank you.”

  
Letting her smug smile turn into a soft genuine one, she bows her head and says, “I hate to tell you that my coddling is far from over. Someone hurt you in the worst way imaginable and I can't let you go on thinking that you don't deserve the caring you so freely give to others.” Standing up, she holds out her hand for him to take.

  
Still curious as to how she went from unfeeling Captain to a caring caregiver, he takes her hand. _She will tell me in her own due course._

  
Pulling him up, she leads him to his bedroom with every step as sure as the last. She knows what she needs to do for him; the only question is, will he allow it?

  
Stopping just as they get to his bed, she turns and tells him, “I'm going to undress you now. Just your uniform and nothing more.”

  
Staring at her cast eyes, he knows that without a doubt that she is here to help him heal, never to hurt. Slowly, he nods.

  
Unzipping his jacket, she lets her thumbs thread under the opening at his collar and slides it off of his shoulders. As she rids his body of both his turtleneck and undershirt, she plain refuses to look onto his face, afraid that he will bare witness to the emotions churning like a roller coaster in her chest.

  
Just as her fingers reach out to touch the clasp of his pants, she hears him hiss under his breath and she snaps her hands back to her sides. Threading her thumb along her itching fingers, she is surprised herself at how much she desires to touch his skin, to comfort his aching heart.

  
Staring down at her meek form, he notices that something has changed in her. Gone is the fearless leader, the woman too strong to lay her emotions out, too stubborn to allow anyone to bare witness to said emotions. He had felt it in her touch first, yet with his clothes acting like a barrier, he never had the full brunt of it until she reached out for the clasp of his pants.

  
Her touch, devoid of the carnal pleasures they both sought the night he discovered her tattoos, is soothing, healing. _Almost as it is fueled by – no! It can’t be_.

  
The electricity that has sizzled since the first time he touched in her quarters when he agreed to be her first officer is still there, but in a more stable current rather than the erratic explosion he is used to. And the sheer thought catapults him into oblivion. _If I were to give her fingers an emotion_ , his subconscious supplies, _I would have guessed love_.

  
Reaching out and placing his hand on her shoulder, he gives her a small, encouraging smile and nods to tell her that she can proceed with her journey if she so chooses. _It’s funny_ , he thinks, _that it's this touch I had abstained from receiving from the many women I have been with, yet, it is she whom I crave it from the most_.

  
Taking a breath, she reaches out with trembling fingers to unclasp and unzip his pants. Focusing in on a little freckle on chest with the slight bite of her bottom lip, she pushes his pants down over his hips. “What do you prefer to sleep in,” she hoarsely asks.

  
If this were any other time, he would have bluffed with an ‘in the nude’ answer, but sensing that she is taking her care seriously, he silently points to the sleeping clothes on his bed. Just as she is about to help him into his pants, he grabs her shoulders and shakes his head.

  
For the first time since walking his into his bedroom, she looks up at him.

  
Unable to survey her emotions with her brow furrowed in confusion, he takes the pants from her grasp and explains, “It's… easier if I wear these without my underwear.”

  
Feeling her cheeks burn from the thought of him naked under his sleeping clothes, she silently nods and turns to look the other way to give him his privacy. _Yes, we have seen each other naked before, but he was never violated like this before either._

  
Smiling at her discretion, he pushes his boxers down from his hips and kicks them into the pile of clothing. Shoving his feet through the legs of his pants, he ties it at the waist and says, “Okay.”

  
Grabbing the already opened shirt from his bed, she turns, flicks it around his shoulders and holds it out for him to snake his arms through. Starting from the bottom, she buttons up his shirt, leaving the top two undone.

  
Letting her palms rest against his warm chest, she nervously stares into his chocolaty brown eyes as her thumbs caress the little patch of bare skin. “This is not pity. I care for you, deeply, far more than I would ever show to another person on this ship. She hurt you and I will never forgive her for what she has done.” Reaching up from her tip toes, she gently kisses his cheek.

  
Feeling the heat of her lips cover the frigidness left behind by Seska’s undoing he closes his eyes and sighs as he feel the burden on his shoulders recede. 

  
Leaning back on her heels, she pats his chest and orders with a slight quiver in her voice, “Lay down.” Turning away from him, the blessed cool air of his quarters fans her heated cheeks as she unzips her own jacket. Laying it on a chair bridging the separation of his bedroom and the living room, she twirls back to see that he is under the covers.

  
Toeing off her boots, she pads a course to his bed and says, “I’ll stay with you for a few hours.” Gingerly easing down on the edge of his bed, she leans down and snuggles into his open arms.

  
“You are too good to me.” His voice chokes with emotions. _She could have sent me packing to the brig, ignored me, or worse, banished me with any thought of there ever being a something more than a friendship between us; but instead she came to me in my worst hour and comforted me in a way that no one else could have_.

  
_“Chakotay, when a woman has seen you at your worse and still goes out of her way to comfort you, you should know that she will do it out of love and nothing else.”_ Pulling her closer to his body as the words of his mother swirls about in his head, he can't help but now understand what she had meant when he had asked her what being in love meant all those years ago. Being young and full of lust for life – _among other things_ – he never understood what she was saying until this moment.

  
Snuggling his nose along the crook of her neck as he feels sleep take over his mind, he breathlessly murmurs along her skin, “I’m lucky to have you,” before succumbing to his dreams.

  
Opening her eyes wide to the soft words uttered onto her skin, she tries to not let her body react to what she had just heard. Panic prickling her pesky heart and her logical mind, she closes her eyes and tells herself to not get her hopes up.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
